Below are all based on what HG patients have found helpful - or hurtful. 

Remember it’s not your job to make her feel better - but to be there for her. You may feel a bit helpless - which is understandable - but there is a lot you can do to support her practically and emotionally.

Most importantly: 

• Believe her - even if you haven't seen for yourself how sick she is. Acknowledge how difficult it is to be this sick: patients in our support group call HG torturous, horrendous, the worst experience of my life; they say they thought they might die, or that they wanted to die.
• Do say "that sounds so hard. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this." Empathise, don't try to relate if you've never had HG or a severe illness yourself. 
• Don't minimise her symptoms or compare it to typical pregnancy sickness. Don't imply she is lying, exaggerating, or not trying hard enough to be well. 
• Don't start a sentence with "At least...". She can be grateful to be pregnant, and want her baby, and still wish she didn't have HG! 
• Do your own reading about HG and don't rely on her to educate you - our website, email list, and social media are all great places to start! Check out our list of podcasts and other resources below
• Trust her. That means don't tell her to try ginger or crackers, or that she shouldn't be taking medications she needs to function. Be very careful about asking if she has tried X or Y - she has probably tried it all and this can make her feel that you think she's not trying hard enough (see here for tips on how to help her advocate with medical professionals). 
• Do keep showing up. Send check-in messages and voicenotes, even if she doesn't reply often. Invite her to things even if you're 99% sure she can't make it. If she says she's not well enough to see you, don't take it personally - she is in survival mode. 
• Offer concrete help that she can say yes or no to: don't leave it up to her to ask (see below for suggestions). 
• Do ask how her symptoms are today

Practical tips - if you can help in person:

• Figure out what you can do to help with basic daily tasks for her and her family. Bonus points if you can commit to a particular day & time for a few weeks (or months). This might be taking the dog for a walk in the morning, bringing kids to school once a week or taking them out at the weekend, or picking up the washing and returning it clean.  
• Drop off food for her and the family. Even if she isn't able to eat much, sparing her from cooking smells is a gift! Bonus for food that can be frozen, or eaten cold.
• Ask what her safe foods/drinks are and stock up for her when you do your shopping.  
• If you can be available at short notice for a lift to hospital or picking up kids, that can be so helpful too. (Most of us can't manage public transport with our symptoms, and taxi costs add up quickly). Keep emesis bags in your car!  
• If you can accompany her to medical appointments, take notes and speak up for her if she can't. Check out our guide to appointments here.
• If she is able for visitors at home or hospital, go. Be prepared that she may not be able to talk much - but HG can be so isolating that just a quick chat, or sitting together for a while, can mean a lot. 

If you're not nearby:

• Are you able to help with any extra costs she and her family may have or need covered, such as babysitting, petsitting, taxi costs, etc.? 
• Could you organise any external help like a cleaner or babysitter, or a rota for friends and family to help or visit? 
• Send a care package with things to pass the time in bed or hospital e.g. adult colouring books, comfortable headphones, an audiobook subscription. Avoid anything with strong smells even if it's something she usually loves. 
• Bear in mind she may not be able for video calls or even live phone calls - on a bad day, looking at a screen or even talking can worsen nausea and vomiting. Voicenotes are a good alternative.